Expectations

The pressure to meet societal and religious expectations is immense, but what are the benefits of meeting them? Is public praise worth the personal agony you will endure

Growing up, there were certain things and events that I expected to happen. I expected to get married at 25, have children by 32 and have a happily ever after family life. I expected to have a thriving career by 35 and running a business that provided me with an extra source of income. As you may expect, not all these expectations were met.

As human beings, we have expectations, not only of ourselves, but even of those in our lives. We have expectations of our family members, romantic partners, children, friends, colleagues, employers, employees and the list goes on. We have predetermined what should happen for ourselves and those around us.

If you have ever attended any premarital classes worth its salt, many couples are advised to lower their expectations of their partners, then lower them some more, if they want to have a successful marriage. This is very sound advice. But then, there are societal and religious/spiritual expectations which continue to control how we live our lives. Being a woman in a society where religion and cultural expectations are strong and conflicting, these expectations are unforgiving and only those who meet them are praised. The pressure to meet societal and religious expectations is immense, but what are the benefits of meeting them? Is public praise worth the personal agony you will endure?

I recently found myself in a situation where I was faced with two options and no matter which choice I made, I would disappoint one of the two most important people in my life. I know the choice I want to make that I would be fully happy with and that I have been hoping for, but it is the disappointment that my choice would cause that is keeping me in turmoil. The expectations of another person are causing me to second guess following the path I have long desired. This is a pivotal decision and I know what I stand to lose, but I know the peace and fulfillment it will provide for me.

Once I turned 30, I learnt that people’s decisions are based on an array of information that is often not shared in its entirety. As such, people may ask for advice, I will offer it based on the information I have, but I will always ask, “What do you want to do?”. Regardless of the path they chose, I often support them, because, why should I be the one to pile on societal expectations onto a person who will have to bear the consequences of the decision alone?

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